Distance

It's that time again. Time for the I don't know how you do its, the you are so strongs, the it'll be over before you know its. Not that I don't appreciate any support I receive, it's not that at all. I just wish I could hear more of the I have a shoulder you can cry ons, the I know what you're going throughs (the real ones) or even the simplest I'm praying for yous. Let's face it. Let's just all agree that "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is a load of crap.

 I met Shane seven years and seven months ago. From day one I have been faced with the dreaded DISTANCE. The long distance relationship, the long distance friendships and relationships with my family members, and lastly and certainly most importantly, the long distance marriage and long distance relationship of my husband and son. You think something has torn you to pieces before and then, bam! You watch a man walk out the door for war and leave his three week old son behind. Distance sucks. There have definitely been times when I have thought to myself, "Yeah, it IS making my heart grow fonder!" But it's shortly followed by me curled up in some corner crying and wondering how could my heart possibly grow fonder when it's in pieces. Don't worry, this story has a happy ending.

 I know what some of you are thinking..."How can you be sad when you have that beautiful baby boy to keep you company?!" or is it,  "At least you have a toddler to keep you busy! You won't have time to miss him." I know this because I have heard it time and time again. Maybe reading it here will make you realize how silly it sounds. I am aware that I sound petty and ungrateful but come on. Sometimes ridiculous positivity isn't the best way to say, "Keep your head up!" 

Distance, in general, has changed my life over and over. I've lost friends because it wasn't convenient that I lived in a different state. I've gotten over all of the we are coming to visits and the I wish we could come to visits (It's literally like white noise now. Seven years.)  I stressed about my dream wedding because I wasn't sure until the Saturday before it if my groom was going to have to say Skype vows. I gave up my entire birth plan to ensure that there wouldn't be seven thousand miles in between Shane and I. Luckily, both the wedding and birth of our son were the two most perfect days of my life and Shane and I were no more than a foot away from each other both days.  Long story short, distance is a jerk. I miss my friends that it has taken from me. I miss the relationships that I cannot possibly keep up because of it. I miss my husband no matter how busy my tornado of a toddler keeps me. I even miss my favorite restaurants and can actually taste Biscuitville in Aberdeen, NC if I think about it hard enough.

The silver lining (there it is!) to distance is you realize who is the most important to you when you can't easily be with them. The ones who say they will visit and it actually hurts when they don't, the ones, like my husband and son, who I can't function properly without, the ones who I will load my little tornado up along with his travel system (which contrary to it's name is in no way built to travel anywhere) and fly to North Carolina for, the ones who, since they aren't able, I will pack up and drive to Georgia for so they can meet my son, the ones who love me so much that even when I annoyingly call to say plans have changed, understand. These are the people that I will do anything for. These are the people that I have carefully selected to be in my life and the reason for that is because I am that important to them, too! They know my intentions are good when I forget to send an email to Afghanistan and instead go to bed at 7pm without dinner. They know my intentions are good when life gets away from me and I don't call for weeks. They understand that a long weekend in Georgia isn't nearly enough time to see everyone. They understand that they have an open invitation to my home and require no verbal invitation (Seriously, call me when you get into Nashville so I can make sure we are all wearing pants). They understand me and my crazy life.

In my quest to find the person that made people believe that distancing yourself from something you love with your whole heart is ever a good thing, (necessary sometimes, yes, but not something I would label as good) and punch them in the throat, I want to remember that the world does not revolve around me and my long distance-filled life. That I don't live in the little bubble that I have created in my mind. That deployments are opportunities for me to travel, read books, sleep twelve hours a night, and eat Lean Cuisines. That friendships come and go but only if you let them. That no matter how little time I have or how thinly I have stretched myself...distance is not an excuse. It's an opportunity. An opportunity to cling tight to the ones you love the most and trust that their intentions are as good as yours. And that absence can let you know just how important someone is to you and how important you are to them. That absence shouldn't define your friendship or relationship. It should strengthen it. And that absence makes the heart grow...ah, crap. It does, doesn't it?

 It totally does.